Dear Tony Hart…

Dear Tony,

I wonder if I could bend your ear for some advice?

I have been asked by my friend George (a fan of Morph, though not some of his later material) to go on a trip with him to Lancaster next month. I don’t wish to go, partly because I’ll miss an episode of CSI, but largely because of his snoring (he expects us to share a room, though this is due to financial constraints and is in no way sexual). What should I say? I don’t wish to hurt his feelings, but he should understand it is a firm ‘no’.

Yours,
–
Herbert Rumbelow

Dear Howard Brown…

A note for the best darned Halifax employee in the land!

–

Dear Howard,

How(ard) are you?! I am currently interested in compiling a list of national celebrities who best resemble owls.

I have long been an ornithologist with a particular bent towards the barn owl and was struggling to fill this berth. That was until my friend George (a keen devourer of financial matters) pointed out that you, with your trademark spectacles and bald noggin, could easily develop the look of ‘Tyto Alba’! Is this appropriate?

Yours,
–
Herbert Rumbelow