Dear Lady,
From viewing your recent interviews, and browsing your collected wisdom on MySpace, I am sure that you are no stranger to whelk picking. My friend George (not a lady, or a ‘Lady’) is currently preparing to organise the All England Whelk Picking Festival, which will be held in Cardiff sometime in 2010, and I wondered if you would like to be involved? We thought that maybe you could sing to the whelks (and attendees! – though those with cheaper tickets would be forced to wear ear muffs) or bake a whelk lasagne? We hope this would attract newspaper coverage.
The festival will of course be whelk based, but there is likely to be room for other attractions such as ‘Pig Painting’, ‘Lozenge Moulding’ and research into the most common strains of German Measles.
We can provide hotel accommodation, sustenance for the duration of your stay, and a warm hat.
Yours,
–
Herbert Rumbelow
