Dear Mr Paul Ross

I asked Paul for help. If you can help also, do please leave a comment…

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Dear Paul,

I hope this email finds you.

Would you do me a favour? Can you check out your window and email me back with the number of birds you can see? I am doing a survey of people around the country and am interested in any help you can give. Please count only birds, and not squirrels, washing or pharmaceutical waste.

Yours,
—
Herbert Rumbelow

Dear Tim Vincent…

Dear Timothy,

I have followed your career since your Blue Peter days. I even maintain a scrap book! Though I have had to start a new page now you are back on prime time. Would you be able to send me a quote for the book? Maybe your views on Inheritance Tax, or your opinion of the quality of writing in ‘House’.

Yours,
—
Herbert Rumbelow

Dear David Sneddon

Remember David Sneddon? I liked him. But I also bought a Betamax player.

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Dear David,

What happened?

Yours,
Herbert Rumbelow

Dear Mr Feargal Sharkey

A good heart is hard to find (these days at least, it was different in the past-  like libraries). So if you get your hands on one… don’t let go:

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Dear Feargal,

Have you ever been in a situation in which a large group of hostile individuals have chanted you name over and over and over and over? I only ask, as I think your name, more so than any other, lends itself to such an activity. I sincerely hope you have not suffered such intimidation and wish you all the best with your new book (are you writing a book?).

Yours,
—
Herbert Rumbelow

Dear Kriss Akabusi

Today I write to the happiest man in the world…

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Dear Mr Kris,

How are you?

I simply wanted to write to express my pride at your victorious final leg for GB&NI team at the Tokyo World Championships. I appreciate you may feel this is rather late coming, but I am slowly working my way through taped programming recorded during a 6 month visit to the Sudan. I can only complete this on Sundays do to other commitments.

Yours,

Herbert Rumbelow

Dear Mr Amir Khan

Boxing, boxing, boxing!

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Dear Amir,

Because the first line of this note,
Rhymes with itself, a poem I’ve wrote!
To ask you (if you don’t mind please)
Are a fan of dungarees?

My friend George hopes you really are,
Because he bet me his new car,
Though it is not a massive Jeep,
But a toy got hold of on the cheap.

Yours,

Herbert Rumbelow

Dear Mr Cliff Richard

Today, it’s one for all the mums! And no, it isn’t cooking dinner for me and George!

Dear Cliff,

Do you have a seagull on your head? Do you aspire to? If not, why are your called Cliff.? I understand Cliff is not your name as given at birth, so I was intrigued as to your decision for changing it. Any response will be much appreciated, though I am going shopping at 4pm.

Yours,

Herbert Rumbelow

Dear Mr Rick Moranis…

Dear Richard Moranis,

How are you? I hope you have been well. My friend George told me last week that you are writing a history of the periodic table. Is this true? I do hope so, and would like to express my interest in purchasing a copy.

If you are not writing such a tome, I wish you every luck in your other endeavours and apologise for any embarrassment caused.

Yours,
—
Herbert Rumbelow

P.S. If not true, I will set the record straight with George.

Dear Mr Stewie Griffin…

Dear Stewie,

If you are receiving this email I will be very disappointed as it will mean that my friend George (a Liberal) will have won a packet of Riesen chocolate chews from me. He bet me that Hotmail is available in Quahog, I felt otherwise.

Yours,

Herbert Rumbelow

Dear Barry Chuckle

Sunday was a day of rest, but today I continue with some information for modern clown, Barry Chuckle or Chuckle Brothers fame.
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Dear Mr Chuckle,

I am writing with a warning: too much laughter can be bad for your health! Seriously though, I read this in the paper last week and I am writing to some of my favourite comedians (not all, I’m a busy man) to make them aware of the situation.

Yours,

H Rumbelow

P.S. Could you please foward this to Paul.