Dear George Galloway…

Dear George,

Do you rent your eyebrows, or have you bought them outright?

Yours,
—
Herbert Rumbelow

Dear Paddy McGuiness…

Dear Paddy,

What is your lung capacity?

I, ably assisted by my friend George (a lapsed swimming instructor), am creating a series of sports balls (football, squash, croquet) with their size denoted by equivalent celebrity lung capacity. This is proving more difficult than you might think. I have already christened the football the ‘Ernie Els’, but have now reached a bit of a brick wall. Any help you can offer is much appreciated (you could lie if you think it will help).

Yours,
—
Herbert Rumbelow