Dear Lenny Henry…

Dear Leonard,

Do you believe you are reincarnated?

I am genuinely convinced that I, in a previous life, was a servant at the court of King George II. During this time I was charged, almost exclusively, with moving apples. I moved them from the tree to the larder; then from the kitchen to the table and often, I would move the apples from the table to another part of the table if requested. Sometimes I would be asked to move pears, but this was something of a treat.

What about you? I’m sure you must have a tale of a previous life that amuses, intrigues or horrifies. I would love to hear it. My friend George (a former Scout leader), believes he was once a kumquat.

Yours,
—
Herbert Rumbelow

Dear Demi Moore…

Dear Demi,

To what extent do you consider chopsticks a necessity?

My friend George and I have recently been listing the 147 items we could not live without (we were watching the snooker at the time). So far on the list we have the obvious ‘must haves’ such as bread, lino and slippers, but we’re struggling with some of the items at the tail end of the list.

We only have four spaces left into which we must fit the following – do you have any advice?

• Chopsticks
• Halogen lamps
• Tents
• Domino Rally
• Felt tip pens
• D batteries
• Vermouth
• Bulldog clips
• Carafes (for wine)
• Carpet

Yours,
—
Herbert Rumbelow

Dear Louise Redknapp…

Dear Louise,

You’re lovely.*

Yours,
—
Herbert Rumbelow

*There is no caveat, I just wanted to say how lovely you are again.