Dear Maria,
What is your favoured type of potato? As your name can easily be mis-typed as ‘Maris’, I assume it to be The King Edward. Am I correct? (My friend George, who tapes Wimbledon, to watch it on fast forward, has urged me to make a joke about Tim Henman now being a ‘common – tater’ and thus eligible for consideration, but I’ve resisted).
Yours,
—
Herbert Rumbelow
Posted in Emails
Dear John,
My friend George (a man who once watched BBC Parliament for 17 whole minutes) tells me that you are an expert speaker, so I was hoping you could help me with an issue: how one pronounces ‘yoghurt’.
I have long been a firm believer in a short ‘o’ and a silent ‘h’ (as favoured I believe, by the other members of Steps) while George staunchly defends his right to a long ‘o’, such as in Yogi (the bear, not the spiritual practitioner). Which do you favour, if either?
Yours,
—
Herbert Rumbelow
P.S. Love the shirts.
Posted in Emails
Dear Jeremy,
Which is your favourite letter? I have always had a soft spot for ‘L’ while George – a friend of mine who keeps his wardrobes in alphabetical order – is so enamoured by ‘W’ that he has tiled his kitchen with ‘W’ embossed ceramic squares. They are quite vile.
As a man with a opinion on everything, I thought you might like to lend your view. If we can gain 25 responses (we’re willing to ignore ‘P’ for obvious reasons) we would like to create an alphabet frieze for sale in Mothercare et al, featuring hard hitting celebs. Paxman, Alex Ferguson and Alan Dedicoat (the voice of the balls) have all been approached.
Yours,
—
Herbert Rumbelow
Dear Mr Ronaldo,
Are you any relation to Jackie O?
Yours,
—
Herbert Rumbelow
Posted in Emails
Dear Heston,
My nephew, Andy (named in honour of children’s TV presenter Andy Crane) is about to take his driving theory test, an academic undertaking he is finding more bothersome than he should. In order to help him, I thought it might be fun to produce for him individual sushi dishes representing each of the road signs in use on British roads. Would you be able to knock this up? I am unable to pay for your time, but could give you an almost unlimited supply of tracing paper to help in your endeavour.
Yours,
—
Herbert Rumbelow
Posted in Emails
Dear Dawn,
I have recently been musing on how the good city of London got its name. I have three theories that I wish to share with you:
1) London is a contraction of ‘Long Donut’, or ‘Yum Yum’ as they are also known
2) The city was founded by the good Rev. London in around 1785, as a present for his mother
3) The city is not in fact called London at all, but Mumpleford
What do you think?
Yours,
—
Herbert Rumbelow
Posted in Emails
Dear Peter,
Which ex-Blue Peter Presenter you could take most easily in a fight?
Yours,
—
Herbert Rumbelow
Posted in Emails
Dear Daley
Was Tony, the Frosties Tiger, remodelled in the mid 1980s to more resemble your fine physique? My friend George (a cereal fanatic) thinks he has stumbled upon this fact while cataloguing his box collection. Having lined up each iteration of the Frosties design from the 1960s onwards (while photographing them for a now defunct sale on eBay), he became mesmerised by Tony’s form and was compelled to sketch his evolving musculature on a series of beer mats. It was only when using these beer mats during an impromptu ‘Olympics’ party last weekend, that the similarity between yourself and the 1980s tiger was noticed. George was so happy upon the discovery that he let out a little fart!
Yours,
—
Herbert Rumbelow
Posted in Emails
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