Dear Jimmy Carr…

Dear Jimothy,

Have you ever questioned the triumvirate of spoon, fork and knife that so rules our dinner tables? The Chinese have their chopsticks, the Japanese, their chopsticks and the Koreans probably use chopsticks too (for eating). Why don’t we? Or more importantly, why don’t we spearhead our own solution? Jimmy, I would like to invite you to join me and my friend George (he’s ambidextrous) in a bid to shun the SFK mafia from tea time. Current ideas we have are a system based on string, training a small rodent to ferry food between plate and mouth and origami tools. However we haven’t committed any of these to post-it notes so there’s stil time for you to input.

Yours,
—
H. Rumbelow

Dear Yohan Blake…

Dear Yohan,

Have you ever engaged in taxidermy? Being known as ‘The Beast’, it seams natural to me that post sprinting career you would set-up a store with a name such as Blake’s Bestiary, Yohan’s Yaks and other animals or The Beast’s Bazaar , subtitled ‘Home to amazing wonders of the animals kingdom*’ (the asterisk would then lead to a footnote that would say ‘*stuffed’). I’m emailing now to suggest you may want to buy these domain names and secure yourself a future . If you don’t, I will. But not until November, so you’ve got time. 

Yours,
—
H. Rumbelow