Dear Samantha,
I am afraid I am writing this email in somewhat of a rush, so do forgive the lack of witty metaphor or multi-layered narrative. (I am rushing to send this email before a week away in the Lake District with my friend George – we are hoping to read the full works of Lewis Grassic Gibbon during our stay).
The reason for my email however, is to ask if you currently have, or have ever had, a pet turtle? I understand from a man who sells socks (3 pairs for £2) in our local pub that you do, as his mum knows your hairdresser’s uncle, or possibly child. I am keen to know if this is true as I bet the sock man a packet of Quavers that you don’t. You strike me less an an amphibious person, more pure reptilian.
Yours,
—
Herbert Rumbelow
Herbert Rumbelow's Weblog 