Dear Francis,
As a man with ears, I assume you often find yourself wondering the same thing as I: what else could they be used for? My friend George and I spent most of this afternoon discussing just this topic, and we decided – after some brief googling – that you would be keen to hear our findings.
So, without further ado, here is our list of 5 alternate uses for ears (you may use this as the basis of a script, but only if you lend George some of your favourite box-sets, and don’t intend to ask for them back).
1. Shadow puppets
2. Hooks, for onions
3. A nest for an incredibly small, and friendly, bee
4. If removed entirely from the head and flattened, an ear would make an OK coaster
5. Tracing an accurate drawing of anything entirely, or nearly ear shaped
Yours
—
Herbert Rumbelow
Herbert Rumbelow's Weblog 