Dear David,
I have been dreaming about you for the past few evenings. It all started when I bought a new bed spread (a blue and white stripe with matching valance) and I think the two are no coincidence. I have discussed the situation with my friend George (who sleeps on a futon) and he has suggested that I contact you in case these dreams are premonitions. This may aid you in your day to day life.
DREAM 1:
You are a golf pro playing in a match on the European tour. Your opponent is a squid name ‘Dangerous Harry’ who uses an Ice Hockey stick instead of a traditional club. He beats you and you fly into a rage smashing up the entire inventory of Hamleys while onlookers float in ice baths.
DREAM 2:
You are driving through a blue desert somewhere in Africa. All around are antelopes with egg whisks for antlers, but you seem not to care. On the radio a station is running a competition asking listeners for their favourite film featuring gambling. This incenses you, and you drive to a satellite receiving station to phone them and complain about their lack of bacon based content. Meanwhile, a parallel aspect of the dream runs in subtitle and explains the various temperature states of your bodily appendages.
DREAM 3:
It’s 17th Century Japan, and you are trying to selling old Nintendo Entertainment System games to the locals who, understandably, look bemused. You paradoxically claim that in the future they will thank you for inventing the gaming system, and tired, accept their offers of tea (though you choose to bathe in it, rather than drink it). You have a St Bernard who you give regular piggy backs to during which you will not speak to anyone.
If you could pass on a forwarding address, I will continue to send updates with accompanying drawings.
Yours,
—
H. Rumbelow
Herbert Rumbelow's Weblog 